ForEver In Our Hearts! Fly High Tiff, Fly High!!
09/18/1988 ~ 06/06/2005

Tiffany Sharee Vance

The Accident - June 6, 2005

Our precious 16 year old daughter, Tiffany Sharee Vance, was killed in a car accident on June 6, 2005.
This is the day our whole world crumbled.

Tiffany was a beautiful, vibrant girl. She was very outgoing and never met a stranger. She was just as comfortable with adults as she was with her teen friends. Tiff wanted to be a vet from a very young age. At the age of 13, she started volunteering at our local vets office. Within a few months, that turned into a paying job because he said she worked as hard as the adults. He included her in everything... she groomed, clipped, prepped and assisted in surgeries. I am so glad she had over 3 years to do what she loved.

Tiffany was crazy about all animals but especially horses. She loved them with a passion and she had always wanted to barrel race. We had quite a few horses but a couple of years ago, she saved up her own money and bought a trained barrel horse. The were best of friends but were still working on getting in sync together when it came to the barrels. This would have been their year to shine ... their practices had been unreal! They finally had it together!

The day before Tiffany's accident, she got her daddy to carry her and Magnum to her friends house about 5 miles down the road. It was a Sunday afternoon and I had originally planned for us to do some kind of family activity but the glow on Tiff's face when she told us that Mandy's (her friend) family was going trail riding had me deciding to let her go.

Steve took her to Mandy's about 2 that afternoon and they rode the trails for about 6 hours. She called and talked to Steve when they got back and told him that she wanted to stay and watch a movie...she also said that she just wanted to leave Magnum there. They had decided that since Tiffany would be getting off at lunch the next day that they would go riding again.

Finally at around 10:30 pm I called her telling her she needed to come home because she had to work the next day and agreeable as always, she said she'd be home soon but asked to finish the movie that only had about 10 minutes left. She was home a little before 11.

I remember that last night so well. She was so wound up. She had enjoyed her ride with Mandy. They went to different schools but had become very close with both families living in the country and both of them horse lovers and barrel riders. Tiff was so excited and ready to talk my ear off. I wish now that I had let her talk all night! I would remind her that she needed to get in the bed and she'd say "Just let me tell you one more thing...." So cute! I loved that she loved talking to me and sharing things with me even though she was only 3 months away from 17.

My younger daughter had asked if I would take her to town the next day to pick out a new swimsuit and I had said yes. I asked Tiffany if she wanted to go with us after she got off work. I got a quick no, since she wanted to go riding again. Also, she just wasn't the "shopping" type. Oh, she loved new clothes but just didn't have the patience for shopping! Finally Tiff headed to bed, kissing me goodnight and saying "Mom, if you happen to wake up around 6:30, please make sure I'm awake since it's so late and I might oversleep!"

The next morning I woke up around 6:15 am. I pittled around for 15 more minutes and then went to make sure Tiffany was up. When I came into the kitchen to head toward her bedroom, she came walking up the hall. She had already showered and my last memory of her is with her wrapped in a big blue towel and another blue towel around her wet hair. Even short on sleep, she was in a good mood. I told her that I just wanted to make sure she was awake and she was like "Yes, ma'am, I've already had my shower and getting dressed." She went on to tell me that Mandy had called her to make sure she was up. I remember saying, "Okay, sweetie," and telling her to have a good day.

Now the what if's hit me hard.... Why didn't I hug and kiss her bye? (We usually did!) Or better yet, why didn't I just go ahead and stay up and see her off? Yes, she was almost 17 and a very responsible 16 but still, I wish I had stayed up. Instead, I went ahead and went back to bed, not realizing that the next time I saw her that they would be doing CPR on her!

Stephany and I had been up and been dressed for a while, and I can remember wondering why Tiffany wasn't home yet. Stephany made the remark that she had talked to her sometime after 1:00 and that Tiff said she'd be home soon. I was surprised that she was still in town since she had got off work at 12 and I knew she was in a hurry to go riding. She always went to the post office for me and I had given her a check to go by the bank and make her car payment... Still, that should not have taken more than 15 minutes and then a 15-minute drive home.

Later we found out that she had gone to lunch with another friend and had also gone by the school to straighten out her next year's schedule. The counselor there later said that that was Tiff, "Always taking care of business." She also said that Tiffany was in such a good mood, laughing, talking about having lunch with her friend, and going riding.

I can not remember the exact time that the call came in... probably around 2:20 or so. It was a nurse from our small local hospital. I remember her telling me that Tiffany had been in an accident and that I needed to come to the hospital. At first, still semi-calm, I asked how bad it was. Let me explain here that I am an RN, had worked part time at this small hospital at one time, and knew the nurse who was on the phone with me. When I asked her that, she told me that I really just needed to come to the hospital and talk to the doctor...

Well, everyone knows it is not a good sign when they won't tell you the extent of injuries. I can remember hollering at her and telling her not to use that bull on me. Finally she said, "Lisa, it's critical, but we still have a heartbeat." I lost it...

I think she asked to speak to Stephany because I can remember Steph saying, "No, ma'am, I don’t have my license yet." I remember the nurse asking me where Steve was and telling me not to call him, that she would.

If I had left right then, I could have made it to town. But I called my mother-in-law since she lived much closer to the hospital. When she was coming to the phone, I can remember hearing her say something about "that ambulance" and "Hope nothing's wrong...." She lived on the main highway and would have heard the ambulance when it went toward Tiffany’s wreck. I told her that Tiff had a wreck and that it was bad. She said, "I'm on my way to get you," and hung up the phone.

See, I haven't worked in a while because of some foot problems and a back surgery that had left me with a lot of nerve damage. Plus, being on some strong narcotics, sometimes I don’t feel comfortable driving in certain situations. But I wasn't wanting her to come get me... I was wanting her to go to Tiffany because she was closer! She would have been leaving to go to work within a few minutes and she worked at THAT hospital. I tried to call her back and tell her not to come but the line was busy. Steph finally got through but got my father-in-law and he said she'd already left.

Later they said that some of the hospital personnel was watching for Pauline, my mother-in-law, to keep her from walking in to the area where she worked and accidentally seeing her granddaughter before she knew about the wreck.

I didn't know what to do... I wanted to leave but wasn't sure if I should wait on her. It's like I lost all ability to make a decision. I was in mass confusion. Later my younger daughter apologized to me, saying that she had thought I was overreacting. Since Tiffany had already been in a wreck one time before and had come through it without a scratch, she just assumed that she’d been taken to the hospital to be checked out and would be fine. She did not realize that with me being a nurse, I could tell by the way the other nurse talked... my little girl had very little chance of surviving and I knew that.

I picked up the phone and called our family doctor's office. That is one special lady. She was no longer affiliated with the hospital where they had taken Tiffany. We live in a small town and that is the only hospital but she'd had problems with them years before. Not being affiliated meant that she didn't admit her patients there but sent them to the larger hospitals in one of two towns about 30 minutes away. My mind knew this, but I still just knew she had to go to Tiffany. I told them it was an emergency and she was on the phone with me within seconds...

I was crying, telling her it was bad but that she was the only doctor I really trusted and to please go to her. She did.

By this time, I was so worked up that it was probably good that I wasn't going to be driving, but I also decided I couldn't stand it anymore and had to leave. It seemed it had been ages since we talked to Pauline. Stephany, bless her heart, in a 14-year-old's wisdom, lied to me and told me that my truck was still hooked up to the horse trailer. That's one thing I had never learned to do... unhook the trailer from the truck. So I had no choice but to wait on my mother-in-law.

Finally she arrived and we started the long (felt like hours) trip back to town. We went by where the accident happened... a lot of people still there: highway patrol, sheriff's cars, etc., AND my father-in-law. He owned a wrecker service, and somehow there was a mix-up with the highway patrol and he was called to pick up his own granddaughter’s car.

Luckily, by the time he got there, they had realized what they had done, and stopped him before he even got out of the wrecker. Poor man, he is over 70, and the last thing he needed to do was to go there.

We finally got to the hospital, and there were people everywhere...the parking lot was full of people... people I know! Tiff's friends! That scared me so bad. I can remember falling as I ran up the steps to the ER, then opening the door, and the waiting room being full of more people that I knew.

I banged on the glass door between the waiting room and the treatment rooms, and they let me back. I was stopped by a police woman telling me I didn't need to go back. I think I was pretty ugly to her. About that time, our doctor, Dr. Gutti, came walking up and took me in her arms. I remember begging her to please let me see Tiff and them telling me “No, sweetie, they are working on her.”

I was becoming hysterical when all of a sudden it hit me... as long as I was out of control, they would never let me back. I shut my emotions OFF and calmly told them that I was okay but that I needed to be with my daughter. The staff doctor walked out about the time I said that and agreed for me to go in. I think the only reason I got to go in at that stage is because I was a nurse and had worked there.

They led me into a trauma room (the same room where I had worked the only code I had ever worked in that emergency room). My sweet little girl was laid out on a stretcher, intubated, with monitors everywhere, and two people doing CPR. They pulled a chair up so that I could sit in between the person doing chest compressions and the one working on respirations... the only space available.

I held my baby's cold hand and KNEW at that moment that she was gone. I begged her to fight harder, but I also knew that she had probably gone toward that white light with her arms wide open. She was only 16 years old, but we had talked about death several times (A premonition? Maybe). She always told me, "Mom, don't ever let them put me on a respirator...I don't want to live like that," or "Don't let me stay here, knowing I'm only going to be a vegetable."

Now I wonder if she somehow subconsciously knew that she was someday going to be put in that situation, or maybe we both did. I would tell her that sometimes we put people on respirators to let their bodies heal and that when they got better they could breathe on their own. But she'd say, "But, mom, you wouldn't know that for sure and I don't want to stay here without being able to do all I do now."

But I know, while sitting there holding my sweet baby’s hand, I would have done anything to keep her here with us. At one point, it hit me that the respiratory therapist that was usually there anytime I had worked, was not in the room and I didn‘t recognize the girl doing what he normally did. In a panic, I asked where David was. His wife, one of the charge nurses, asked me if I wanted him there. I nodded, and remember thinking, “This is his job; of course, I want him here!”

I remember the doctor saying something about Memphis not being able to "fly out" and Jackson couldn't, either. I asked why and he said something about the weather. We are halfway between the two cities and the sun was shining here. Someone asked something about Tupelo hospital. Now, I wonder why in the world he was even saying that. A larger hospital is not going to send a med helicopter until the patient is at least stable and he knew at that point that they were NOT going to get Tiffany stable.

In fact, it was only a few minutes later that they started trying to get me out of the room. I was praying that she could feel my strong love and that she would miraculously manage to come back. I know now that I knew she was not going to make it because if I'd had any hope whatsoever that she could pull through, I would never have let them take me from her, killing me.

I kissed her goodbye… a sweet little kiss on her temple, a favorite spot from childhood.

And I was right.... they (my doctor and the head of respiratory that had since arrived) took me into a different ER room, trying to get me to lie down on the bed. It was only minutes later that the staff doctor walked in. I looked at him and said "You let her go, didn't you?" And he said, "Yes, she's gone, I'm sorry."

I screamed at him for not working harder and he kept telling me he was sorry but that there was nothing left to work with...that she was gone. I can remember screaming and hitting the wall and Dr. Gutti trying to wrap her arms around me. Then just like before, it hit me... I knew if I didn't calm down some, that they would try to give me something. I knew I couldn't let that happen because Steve wasn't there yet (seems they'd called the wrong place and had a hard time getting him) and that I had to be alert to be able to tell Steve. So finally I lay down on the bed. Suddenly realizing that I had not seen her since I got out of the car, I asked where my other daughter was. They brought her to me. She sat on the side of the bed, leaning down with her arms around me and was crying so I guess I thought they had told her.

A little bit later, they brought my husband in. He looked at me and asked "What’s going on?" I sat up and moved to him and I had to tell him that our baby didn't make it. No parent should have to tell their mate that. He screamed out and then I heard Stephany scream in the background, sounds I will never forget ...that's when I realized they had not told her.

I'll never forget those horrible minutes in that room... my grief feeling like it was drowning me and then on top of that, hurting so much for Steve and Stephany.

Then they brought my in-laws in to us. They had to put my father-in-law in a wheelchair, and Dr. Gutti was keeping a close eye on him because of his heart... another good reason for our doctor being there. I can say, as a nurse, I know that there are not many doctors that would do what she did that day.... to shut down her office and come to a hospital she'd had problems with and was not affiliated with, just be there for us and with us.

I knew how hard this was also hitting my in-laws. Tiffany was their first grandchild and one of the only two they had. They had always worshipped her and spoiled our kids rotten.

After a few minutes, someone came in to mention all the people that were there and asked if we wanted the hospital to tell them or if we wanted to do it. Steve said, "They are here for us so it's our job to do it." He and I walked out the front of the hospital, and the whole parking lot was full of people....teens, parents, teachers. Steve told them that we had lost our precious little girl, and I could hear kids screaming and crying.

Oh God, I can still hear that. Kids crying and coming up to hug us. A minister there led everyone in prayer, but all I could hear was the kids crying. I remember my eyes meeting the eyes of some of Tiff’s best friends and seeing the disbelief there.

It wasn't very long before some of the staff came to us telling us they needed us to come back in so they could talk to us... I knew what was coming. When they asked if she wanted to be a donor, I couldn't remember what to say... I was so lost. At first, we decided yes, but for some reason that just didn't feel right to me. Then a few minutes later they came back in and I finally got out what was bothering me... I said, "You stopped cpr a while ago and that means most organs aren't still okay for that." They said that all they could do was use her eyes and bone marrow. Steve and I both shook our heads no, and I am so glad. I know that may sound selfish, but I don't think I could have stood it. And also Tiffany’s words kept running through my head... She had said so many times that she did not want to be embalmed (16 years old and talking about this!!). She said that God had sent her here with her blood and she wanted to leave here with it. So, as good and generous a child as she was, wouldn't that have meant she felt the same about everything else?

For some reason, I was always under the impression that the law required a body to be embalmed, and I would tell Tiffany that. She argued about it several times and that crossed my mind, but I still thought there was nothing I could do. It wasn’t until later, when the statement from the funeral home came in and it listed “Reason for Embalming” as public viewing, that I realized embalming was not mandatory. I am not sure what I would have done had I found out beforehand that we could avoid that.

Our preacher had gone out of town, so it ended up being one of our elders and his wife that came to us. And that was okay because we had been friends with them for a long time, and they were a comfort to us. My sister that lives closest to us also got there. It was at this point that I can’t really remember many details.

After seeing our baby one last time, Bo left with Steve first, trying to avoid the crowds, and then Susan and another friend snuck me out the side door. Later she told me that they had to take me out in a wheelchair. I don't remember any of that, which is strange, since I remember the earlier things so well. She also told me things that I had said to Tiffany when we went in that I don’t remember, either.

By the time we got to the house, there were bunches of people there... some that I didn't even recognize. People in my kitchen, some cleaning, some arranging food they'd brought, etc. Not too long after that, my niece came in with my mother (they lived in another town) and I remember thinking how small and sad my normally strong mother seemed. The sister that was already there lived in the same town as my mother. The hospital had called her and were supposed to tell her to go get my mother and come but somehow didn't get that across. So she just rushed the 45 minutes here and then had to call back for her daughter to bring my mother.

Then later, my sister that was there, was getting my brother from Memphis, my other sisters from Florida and Alaska on the phones for me. I can remember hearing someone, possibly my sister, whispering that I was just sitting in my chair holding Tiffany's wallet and the bag with her things in it that the hospital had sent. It felt like she was talking about someone else. I just remember feeling so alone... all those people in my house but I felt so alone and empty. People were in and out until after one in the morning but still, I just felt empty.

The next day was so hard. Who IS prepared to pick out what your child is to be buried in, or to go to the funeral home to pick out their casket, or to pick out a burial plot? That is just not normal...no parent should have to do that, but we did. We decided that Tiffany would not be put in a dress like people usually did but that we would give her the jeans and boots she loved so much.

That night (Tuesday) Tiffany’s friends surprised us. We were called outside and when we stepped out on our front porch, we were met with teens holding lit candles with soft music playing. There were so many of them and the youth minister of one of our area's churches stood and talked to us... He told us how much the kids were grieving and that they'd wanted to do something for us and then had a prayer. When we finally found our voices, we each thanked them and told them that they were always welcome in our home. One by one, those sweet teens walked up the steps of our porch and hugged Steve, me, and Stephany, and even my mom and a few of my sisters. We were all amazed ... had never seen anything like it. Later someone told us that they stopped counting at about 130 teens (a lot for a town and community as small as ours). It was the first even glimmer of peace that Steve or I had. It was also the first glimpse we would have at the number of lives our precious little girl had touched!

The next day when we stopped by the accident scene, the kids had written “We Love U Tiff” across the concrete walls and along the concrete under the railroad that ran parallel to the highway. That so touched our hearts!

We finally decided to hold the funeral on Friday since my sister from Florida was going to have a hard time getting there until then. We felt we should wait because Tiffany had been so close to my sister's four children. I’m glad now that we did because it gave us an extra night that we used as a visitation for the immediate family. I am thankful for that now because the regular visitation on Thursday night was so hectic. It was scheduled from 5 to 9 pm, and the long line was all the way across both rooms and out the front door for the entire time. It would be hard to guess exactly how many people came through the line, but I think someone counted almost 600 lines used in the memorial book and many of those were two or more people per line. Although we are members of the Church of Christ, we had to borrow the First Baptist Church since they were the Church with the biggest Chapel. I am glad someone made that suggestion because I think it was full.

No cause was ever determined for Tiffany’s wreck. She was driving on Highway 51N from Winona toward our home. Witnesses in front of her and behind her said that she was not speeding. We know she was not on her cell phone because she did not have service in the specific area of the wreck. The man driving behind her (also a favorite client of hers from the vet’s office) later told my mother in law that he had noticed she had slowed down. He was going 55 and gaining on her. He said that all of a sudden, she just veered to the right, almost like there was a road there. He said he thought to himself, “Tiff, where are you going? There’s no road there!” If you look at the newspaper article on the wreck, you can see in the picture that she hit the concrete wall of a drainage ditch. Our poor baby never stood a chance. You can’t even see this ditch from the road. In the thousands of times we have passed by it, we never even knew it was there. It is not until you pull over that you can see the concrete walls below.

If it had happened five seconds before or five seconds afterwards, she would have just hit a grassy bank or if there had been a guardrail there, she would have hit it and probably swerved to the other side of the road landing in a corn field. What drives us even crazier is that there was no reason for her even leaving the road to begin with and no signs of her trying to stop it once it started. The only possible answer is that something must have happened to her before she wrecked. The hospital did not ask us if we wanted an autopsy and we had no reason at that time to think one was needed. I am not sure I could have stood to let them do one anyway.

After my husband examined the car, we realized that the tires were still straight on the car. The car was torn up but nothing looked as if it broke before the wreck. Also, at the scene of the accident, there were no signs that she braked hard or anything. I don’t care how inexperienced a driver a person is, if you realize you are wrecking, you are going to slam on the brakes and also try to turn the steering away from what you think you are going to hit. She did not do any of these things and even the witness behind her said he never saw any brake lights. So we can only believe that whether she just passed out, had a heart attack, an aneurism, or something else, she was not conscious at the time of the accident. We pray to God that she wasn't and hope that God already had her in His loving embrace before the car ever hit the wall.

Losing our precious Tiff is still such an open wound... I think I have been in sort of a shock. Sometimes I still can't grasp that it is real... I keep wanting her to come back. I just miss her and her bubbly personality so much! It seems all I want to do is something connected with her, but I also have a problem of not being able to concentrate on things... It takes me forever to complete a task...if I do complete it. It seems so unfair that she loved life so much just to have it taken away from her at such a young age when she had so much going for her.

We had no real idea of the many lives our little girl touched until the visitation night. From school officials to vet customers to teen friends, she touched lives in ways that amaze us. I wish that I had a recording of all the wonderful comments made about her. There were so many special things said, if only I could remember them all. And these were things that came from the hearts of these people. It seemed strange to see adults that I did not even know standing there in tears telling me special little things about our baby girl. Tiffany was just a beautiful girl, inside and out.

Tiffany was a junior at Winona High School and was employed by Winona Veterinary Hospital. She was a member of the Winona PRIDE Band, a WHS Art student, a member of Montgomery County 4-H Club, the American Quarter Horse Association, and National Barrel Horse Association.

Tiffany, you packed a lot into your 16 short years. We love and miss you every day!

Fly High, baby girl, Fly High!

 

 

-------Choose a Page------- Photos of Tiffany Poems for Tiffany Tiffany's Accident Tiffany's Best Friend, Magnum Christmas2005